These are the 16 reasons that Julie Schoene Bond will not have kids, as dictated late one night at the PB Bar & Grill. They have been slightly edited (i.e. cleaned up), but otherwise appear verbatim. So why is this here? Well, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't put this somewhere for posterity...


16 Reasons not to have kids.

  1. You go to jail if you hit them.

  2. Their friends.

  3. If they turn out wrong, it's your fault.

  4. You have to clean up after them.

  5. You have to drive them everywhere until they get a car, then you pay for the car & the insurance, and they wreck it.

  6. You're the center of their life for 10 years, then you don't exist for the next 12.

  7. You have to pay for everything.

  8. You're responsible for them, legally & financially.

  9. It's your job to deal with all complaints about their behavior.

  10. They take up all your time for 18 years.

  11. Sex: for the first 8 years you're too tired to have sex, then you have to worry about them having it.

  12. Sleep.

  13. The smell.

  14. They might be ugly.

  15. You have to lie about your past.

  16. They might take after your husband.